so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
