I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
