happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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