Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
