i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
