I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
