pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
