no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
