she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize