fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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