It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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