i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
