yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
