They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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