he puts the penis in happiness.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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