when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
