I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think i have two assholes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
