you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
