apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
