I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Shame is for Republicans.
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