he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
