I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
