Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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