there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
