Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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