I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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