So drunk its hurt
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
