Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
