Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I did not marry a roomba.
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