Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize