Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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