having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
