So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
