using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize