In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize