it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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