Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
