Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My bed smells like the plague
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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