i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
