I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
