No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
