"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
