the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
