We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
