I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
