You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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