Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
