please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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