I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
