apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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