I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
