Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
