YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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