Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
