my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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