If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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