i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
