I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize