I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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