Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
