God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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