Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Randomize
