its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
