my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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