Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
