3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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