We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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