Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
