I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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