Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
