Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
