then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
