I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
